he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
