Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize