dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
