The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
