if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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