you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
