So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
