Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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