i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
