and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
