Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize