The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
