He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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