i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
