We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
