Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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