You can't motorboat a personality
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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