my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All the doctor said was why
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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