i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm too high and old for this...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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