Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
