She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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