don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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