I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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