I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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