I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
