I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
