Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
