Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize