i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
