found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
