Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
