Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
