oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
