I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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