We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
