dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
