Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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