i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
