I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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