so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
