Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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