no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
