your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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