So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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