Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
