when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They have beer where we have blood.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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