So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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