we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
