Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
