do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
