if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
