She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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