hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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