If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
