Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
