my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
