If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
