look no pants
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
