you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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