cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
