I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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