I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
