if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
