it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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