Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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